Let it go

'No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future'. 

[Umar bin Al Khattab (r.a.)]

Assalamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

sometime ago I received this question: 'How do we let go of a painful past?'
I could not answer this question straight away but I have had to give it a thought for sometime before actually give my answer.

What is the past? 

A collection of memories, at times good and peaceful, other times filled with tears and sadness. Some memories will stay in our heart forever and we cannot let go of them, some others we would rather they never existed. Nevertheless they are all memories, part of our past. 

We are who we are because of our past. We came to be who we are today because of the tests we have had to endure during those sad, tearful period but also during those happy moments of peace. We are. 

Why do we remember?

Without our memories we would not be able to reconnect with part of our life that otherwise would be lost. 
In medical terms the  inability to recall information that is stored in the memory is called 'amnesia' from Greek Ἀμνησία. People who are suffering from amnesia not just cannot remember the past but find it really hard to imagine the future. Our ability to recollect events and experiences is a very complex brain process that experts are still studying.

Amnesia have several symptoms but above all: confusion or disorientation, failure to recognize faces and places, inability to learn new information and neurological problems.

Now think for a minute what would your life be without memory, no recollection of the past, living with those symptoms...

Let it go.

It is somewhat hard to let go of something we have truly cherished like someone we loved, a house we used to live in, a gift we were given by a special person...At other times we wish we could let go of those painful memories like the dead of a loved one, the loss of a job, an accident we have had. 
But sometimes letting go it is exactly what we have to do. 

Children cry when we remove something from their hands that may cause harm to them. By removing the object of their desire, they start to cry and ask for it back. What to do? Give them something better, something that can engage them in a safer way. Something they may like more. 

The story of Umm Salama (r.a.) is an excellent reminder for us. When her beloved husband Abu Salama passed away, she supplicated to Allah with this beautiful duas, taught to her by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh): Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji`un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it). 

Allah answered her duas and granted her someone better; she got married to the best man that ever walked the earth, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). 

That's exactly what we should be doing when letting go of something. Find something better. 

-Realize that everything in our past, present and indeed future is there for a reason and that everything is within our 'qadr' or predestination, decree of Allah.

Allah Says in the Quran: "Indeed, all things We created with predestination". [Qur'an 54:49]

All the disasters and tribulations that happen on earth, or happen to the individual, or to his wealth or family, etc., were known to Allah before they happened.

Everything happens by Allah's leave. "No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah. And whoever believes in Allah — He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things.”[Qur'an 64:11]

Hadith of Jabir: 'No slave of Allah will truly believe until he believes in Al Qadr its good and bad from Allah, until he knows that what has befallen him was not going to miss him and that what missed him was not going to befallen him.'(Tirmidhi)

-Understand that everything (good or bad) that befall us has goodness in it.

E.g. Death- makes us think about the Hereafter, encourages us to do good deeds. Sickness is evil but if we remain patient it is something good because our sins are being wiped.

Abu Huraira related that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, 'for any trouble, illness, worry, grief hurt, or sorrow which afflicts a Muslim, even the prick of a thorn, Allah removes in its stead some of his (minor) sins"(Bukhari, Muslim)

-Be grateful for everything you have and everything that you do not. “So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me”. [Qur'an 2: 152]

Allah tests His slaves in order to see who will practice gratitude and who will not and He promises increased favors for those who are grateful. 
“…And Allah will reward the grateful.” [Qur'an 3:144] 


-Focus on what is to come. Remember the story of Asiyah (r.a.) when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allah). [Qur'an 66:11]

While been tortured by Fir'aun, Asiyah smiled and the reason behind her smile was because Allah answered her duas by allowing her to actually see her eternal abode in Jannah (Paradise). 

So focus on the prize ahead and do not look back. What is to come it is far better than what is left behind.

Choose the Hereafter because it is eternal and far more greater in beauty and rewards than the life in this earth which is only temporary. 

Allah remind us in the Qur'an: 
“But you prefer the worldly life, while the Hereafter is better and more enduring.” (87:16-17)

Only by letting go of the past we can move forward and really start doing things that can improve our relationship with Allah. 

So let it go, let go of the past and fall in love with something far better and greater: Jannah. 

Wa 'Alaykum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
Ayesha 

-

-